I know. It’s so much more fun to fill the airwaves with our verbalized thoughts. After all, the world needs to know what we think, right?! A frightening thought at the end of the day (and the beginning, for that matter).
Ever given much thought to how life would be different for you IF you talked a little less and listened a little more? Well, I think I have, and my first-hand experience says it’s hard. Oh, it’s not like I talk a lot in the first place—I’m an introvert. But I ask lots of questions, and I try to make them open-ended so that the answers can’t be “fine” or “good.”
But I love interjecting, while some call it interrupting. And others call it intruding. Either way, it takes at least two to converse (unless you’re adept at holding a conversation between you and yourself—and then that raises a whole lot of other questions.)
To listen well is to be interested in an intentional way. To listen well is to be present. To listen well is to care. Better yet, listening well starts with just slowing down and not being in a hurry. Listening well will tend to slow the conversation down. To listen well is a gift—like grace.
Listening is so valuable that it’s said to be the critical part of communicating. Think about it. If you fail to understand the message coming your way, your response is likely to miss the mark, too. No one should wonder why arguments and misunderstandings follow.
The person who actively listens creates a safe space where thoughts and feelings don’t come under judgment. If you want to be able to talk freely and openly to someone, this helps.
In our church’s marriage ministry, we’ve begun holding communication workshops that focus on something called the speaker/listener technique. And the skills we teach/learn there place the burden primarily on the listener side. The only thing we ask of the speaker is brevity, so the listener doesn’t have to remember a whole lot (think goldfish principle, ha!)
In the book of James 1:19-20, it reads “…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Order typically means a big deal in the Bible, so to see “listen” come before “speak” should tell us something, and it does! But note also the next thing that follows has something to do with being angry, and somehow that’s tied to listening/speaking well (or not, which means anger is often not far behind).
Here’s a challenge for you. Set aside at least 5 minutes each day with a family member (or every family member) and commit to locking eyes with them. Practice listening to them so well that you’re able to write down at least three important things they mentioned and mirror them back, so they know you were listening intently. Also, so if you can make them laugh while you stare at them.
